Chilvalry, the code I live by

Prowess: To seek excellence in all endeavors expected of a knight, martial and otherwise, seeking strength to be used in the service of justice, rather than in personal aggrandizement.

Justice: Seek always the path of ‘right’, unencumbered by bias or personal interest. Recognize that the sword of justice can be a terrible thing, so it must be tempered by humanity and mercy. If the ‘right’ you see rings agrees with others, and you seek it out without bending to the temptation for expediency, then you will earn renown beyond measure.

Loyalty: Be known for unwavering commitment to the people and ideals you choose to live by. There are many places where compromise is expected; loyalty is not amongst them.

Defense: The ideal knight was sworn by oath to defend his liege lord and those who depended upon him. Seek always to defend your nation, your family, and those to whom you believe worthy of loyalty.

Courage: Being a knight often means choosing the more difficult path, the personally expensive one. Be prepared to make personal sacrifices in service of the precepts and people you value. At the same time, a knight should seek wisdom to see that stupidity and courage are cousins. Courage also means taking the side of truth in all matters, rather than seeking the expedient lie. Seek the truth whenever possible, but remember to temper justice with mercy, or the pure truth can bring grief.

Faith: A knight must have faith in his beliefs, for faith roots him and gives hope against the despair that human failings create.

Humility: Value first the contributions of others; do not boast of your own accomplishments, let others do this for you. Tell the deeds of others before your own, according them the renown rightfully earned through virtuous deeds. In this way the office of knighthood is well done and glorified, helping not only the gentle spoken of but also all who call themselves knights.

Largesse: Be generous in so far as your resources allow; largesse used in this way counters gluttony. It also makes the path of mercy easier to discern when a difficult decision of justice is required.

Nobility: Seek great stature of character by holding to the virtues and duties of a knight, realizing that though the ideals cannot be reached, the quality of striving towards them ennobles the spirit, growing the character from dust towards the heavens. Nobility also has the tendency to influence others, offering a compelling example of what can be done in the service of rightness.

Franchise: Seek to emulate everything I have spoken of as sincerely as possible, not for the reason of personal gain but because it is right. Do not restrict your exploration to a small world, but seek to infuse every aspect of your life with these qualities. Should you succeed in even a tiny measure then you will be well remembered for your quality and virtue. 

 

A Letter To Me

Well I wrote this for one of my classes, damn Rec 502, and my friend Amanda cleaned it up for me because I’m not the best writer in the world but after much pondering I figured I would put it up for others to enjoy. Feel free to comment on it and tell me if you think this is how I will really be.

Dear Bones,
I write you today from the future. I know you are wondering why I would write you from the future but there are things you need to know. I know that life gets hard for you and it doesn’t get any easier in the future, but you have a lot to live for. Don’t forget to reach for the things you love in life. Always remember to keep the people close that you hold dear. Make it a point to reach for the stars to make a difference. As it may seem helping one person doesn’t make a difference but from experience it makes all the difference
Be strong my young self, for being weak isn’t an option. You have a great group of friends to back you up whenever you are feeling down. I know you worry about being alone, for many of us fear that one, but with the people you have in your life you will never be lonely. They may disappear from your life sometimes, but know that they will always be there when you need them, and because of them you are a stronger person. Be true to yourself and to others, and don’t be afraid to let them know how you feel.
Never forget that there are people in your life that are going to reappear that mean the world to you, don’t let them go so easily this time. At some points in our life you will have to make some tough decisions about the company you keep, make the right choices. One tough one is Amanda; you love her, as she loves you. The baggage is great, but only you can find out the end to that story, but never get your hopes down about her. Our life is a great story that you have to live to experience the way I did, and I know you will enjoy the ride. Never worry about pain or failure for you are not a failure, you have all the tools you need to succeed in life.
William never forget that no matter what you do, that there is always going to be people or that one in particular person that will help you up when you are falling or push you to the last step you need to win the race. We are one and by one we can make the us a me. Heed to my words for I’m the one who get here before you to experience what you needed to succeed in life and always know that you can lean on you no matter what. 
Always,
William Mitchner

Angel Of Mercy

I’ve talked about this a little in the past with a dream that I’ve seen off and on for the past ten years. It’s just something I’ve never explained in full detail on this type of medium. Hope y’all enjoy.

10 years ago,
I saw her face.
Her eyes staring through me,
Piercing my soul like a red hot knife.

My cowardice stopped me,
From trying to touch her face.
How could she want someone like me
A weak mess of a man.

Woke up in a cold sweat
The first time I saw it.
What the hell was that
That made me feel empty and dead inside.

Only a dream,
And one I couldn’t understand.
Till the next time I had it
When her voice shook me to the core.

It was purely angelic,
And told me I had to make a choice.
My life and time with people I cared about,
Or let the pain win and give in.

Her touch healed me,
And her eyes gave me the courage.
That blond haired angel
That I’d never see again.

Until my first almost relapse,
When she appeared again.
She held me in her arms
Whispering it’d be ok.

I never met a girl like her,
And thought she was inside my head.
Then she walked through the door,
And I could’ve swore it was her.

The angel of my dreams,
Now a friend in my life.
A lucky man I am,
That it didn’t end that night.

The Joys of tutoring

How do you not get this?

That’s what i want to say,

Instead I’m forced to try 

and find another way to word it.

 

To me this is basic,

Something that I understand the first time.

The hardest part of this 

is the patience that I’m sposd to have.

 

Patience is a virtue

and a necessary evil

I try to hide the anger thats inside

but sometimes I just don’t get it.

 

how can you fell something

you’ve worked two years on.

You put in the work

how does this happen?

 

sorry for my rambling, just had to get this off my chest to keep from blowing up.

Internal dialog of a crush

Hmm… What to say?
This wasn’t supposed to happen,
At least not right now.

I swore I wouldn’t feel
Like this for a while.
I’m not even sure where to go,
Or if she feels the same.

These dreams have come back,
And she’s become the catalyst for my sanity
My drugs will not win out,
For this is not the destiny.

10 years ago,
I broke away completely.
But the cravings are back
With so much damn intensity.

Why is it her face I see
When I’m at my lowest point.
Why am I reaching out to her
When she doesn’t even know the story.

It’ll hurt so many,
If I reach out for the chance.
But the heart wants what it wants,
And I’m not sure I can fight.

I’m leaving in six months,
Which is more reason to run.
The timing couldn’t be worse,
But my mind is coming undone.

Love is a bitch,
That’s wounded me before.
This life is mine to lead,
And I’ve never met a soul who wouldn’t hold me down.

This choice is difficult,
And I’m at a loss.
What to do my friend,
Is she worth the cost.

Whatever I do
Destruction is imminent.
Either my walls,
Or my heart.
Oh which will I choose.

Fuck ups we Are

We are all fuck ups

In our own special way.

Not saying its bad

but none of us are the same.

 

Now the question is

what is considered a fuck up

is it a mistake you make

or a chance you didnt take

 

Is it that addiction

that you chose to let through

Is it that alcohol

through your lips you pursued.

 

Is it the girl or guy

You let into your bed.

Is it that lie you told

in hope that the truth is hid.

 

Is it your living situation

or the disease you were born with

is it the car you drive

or the road you’ve lived

 

We are all fuck ups

but that is no reason to cry

For even as fuck ups 

We are special in his eyes.

 

He loves you no matter what

And there is no doubt to that.

no matter what drug you pumped,

or lie you’ve told.

 

You are SPECIAL,

In his eyes and mine.

for in the end

All fuck ups must unite.

His Microphone

I am his mouthpiece

Set to remember everything I’ve done

And to pass it on

I am his Microphone

But I am So Much More

From the sickening smell

Of my gunshot wound

To the blood curdling pain

Right before I shot up!

This is my life,

Just a microphone to his words

Remembering all the things

I wish I could ignore.

Why is this pain still here

When I’ve been healed

Why are the memories so fresh

When its been ten years.

Its a blessing

And a curse

That I’m standing here

Talking to you.

For I may be a mouthpiece,

but I AM So MUCH MORE!

I am the voice of the voiceless

The sight of the sightless

The touch of The Touchless

and the Breath of the breathless

I’m the speaker for those lost

To the pains that I’ve endured

I can speak of the evils

That have befell on so many.

I am a microphone

Of his words not mine

For he is the creator

and I’m just the volume.

Scars

Our bodies are a canvas,
Showcasing the life we once lived,
As well as the life we continue,
To show the world who we are.

From the cuts on my arms
To the gunshots on my shoulder
I’m still standing
But the story remains the same

The real scars though,
Are the ones no one can see.
Look close enough
and you’ll See the decay in us all.

From the drug abuse of my past
To the torture of my first love.
You’ll see the damage,
That keeps me from connecting.

I choose this new life,
Showcasing the scars of my past.
To point out the difference
In the here and now.

If this helps you,
Then I’ll continue to listen.
Don’t be defined by your past,
For your scars made you.

What is LOVE

What is Love?

love is a friend,
Constantly inspiring you to be better,
To be stronger, to love deeply,
And to look at yourself in a positive light.

Love is your sister,
The one who forced you to grow,
The one who gave you a reason
To live better and to push for a brighter future.

Love is your mom,
Constantly looking past your flaws
Developing a sense of hope within,
And teaching you how to believe.

Love is your brother,
Teaching you how to be a man,
Showing what not to do,
And how to ask for forgiveness.

Love is your father,
The push to make him proud,
The knowledge that he’ll always support,
And give you the love that you need.

Love is a stranger to meet,
You pass by so many times,
Only to notice one day,
How important they are.

So what is love?
Love is everything,
Love is everyone,
It’s what makes joy in life.

Past be but the past

“The forbearing use of power does not only form a touchstone; but the manner in which an individual enjoys certain advantages over others is a test of a true gentleman. The power which the strong have over the weak, the magistrate over the employed, the educated over the unlettered, the experienced over the confiding, even the clever over the silly; the forbearing and inoffensive use of all this power and authority, or the total abstinence from it, when the case admits it, will show the gentleman in a plain light. The gentleman does not needlessly and unnecessarily remind an offender of a wrong he may have committed against him. He can only forgive; he can forget; and he strives for that nobleness of self and mildness of character which imparts sufficient strength to let the past be put the past.”
— General Robert E. Lee