Angel Of Mercy

I’ve talked about this a little in the past with a dream that I’ve seen off and on for the past ten years. It’s just something I’ve never explained in full detail on this type of medium. Hope y’all enjoy.

10 years ago,
I saw her face.
Her eyes staring through me,
Piercing my soul like a red hot knife.

My cowardice stopped me,
From trying to touch her face.
How could she want someone like me
A weak mess of a man.

Woke up in a cold sweat
The first time I saw it.
What the hell was that
That made me feel empty and dead inside.

Only a dream,
And one I couldn’t understand.
Till the next time I had it
When her voice shook me to the core.

It was purely angelic,
And told me I had to make a choice.
My life and time with people I cared about,
Or let the pain win and give in.

Her touch healed me,
And her eyes gave me the courage.
That blond haired angel
That I’d never see again.

Until my first almost relapse,
When she appeared again.
She held me in her arms
Whispering it’d be ok.

I never met a girl like her,
And thought she was inside my head.
Then she walked through the door,
And I could’ve swore it was her.

The angel of my dreams,
Now a friend in my life.
A lucky man I am,
That it didn’t end that night.

Internal dialog of a crush

Hmm… What to say?
This wasn’t supposed to happen,
At least not right now.

I swore I wouldn’t feel
Like this for a while.
I’m not even sure where to go,
Or if she feels the same.

These dreams have come back,
And she’s become the catalyst for my sanity
My drugs will not win out,
For this is not the destiny.

10 years ago,
I broke away completely.
But the cravings are back
With so much damn intensity.

Why is it her face I see
When I’m at my lowest point.
Why am I reaching out to her
When she doesn’t even know the story.

It’ll hurt so many,
If I reach out for the chance.
But the heart wants what it wants,
And I’m not sure I can fight.

I’m leaving in six months,
Which is more reason to run.
The timing couldn’t be worse,
But my mind is coming undone.

Love is a bitch,
That’s wounded me before.
This life is mine to lead,
And I’ve never met a soul who wouldn’t hold me down.

This choice is difficult,
And I’m at a loss.
What to do my friend,
Is she worth the cost.

Whatever I do
Destruction is imminent.
Either my walls,
Or my heart.
Oh which will I choose.

Fuck ups we Are

We are all fuck ups

In our own special way.

Not saying its bad

but none of us are the same.

 

Now the question is

what is considered a fuck up

is it a mistake you make

or a chance you didnt take

 

Is it that addiction

that you chose to let through

Is it that alcohol

through your lips you pursued.

 

Is it the girl or guy

You let into your bed.

Is it that lie you told

in hope that the truth is hid.

 

Is it your living situation

or the disease you were born with

is it the car you drive

or the road you’ve lived

 

We are all fuck ups

but that is no reason to cry

For even as fuck ups 

We are special in his eyes.

 

He loves you no matter what

And there is no doubt to that.

no matter what drug you pumped,

or lie you’ve told.

 

You are SPECIAL,

In his eyes and mine.

for in the end

All fuck ups must unite.

Smoke Rings

Smoke rings in the dark
Leading us towards the light
Telling everyone the story
That happened that dreaded night

Who knew what you were
Other than a lost soul
Lead to carry on
Just to make another hole

So close now
To the end of punishment
But one false step
And it’s back to your imprisonment

You yearn for the sugar
That used to fill your veins
Knowing full well
It doesn’t fix the stains

Your history caused this moment
You let your pain consume
If you go back now
It will lead you to your doom.

Is it worth it
To sacrifice all you have
One more worthless fix
To make your body laugh

The pain that you feel
Will go away over time
For every time I’ve heard that
I wish I had a dime

It’s been six long years
And I still crave everyday
Knowing its just another battle
That ill have to fight today

My will has been tested
And my fears endured
Why is it still here
Why can’t I be cured

That syringe is tempting
But I know how it makes me feel
Numb and dead inside
Like a broken seal

I beat it all once
When I opened up my heart
But she killed me too
As silent as a dart

I’m sorry for the pain
I may have caused anyone
For when the smoke subsides
I know that I am done

Michelangelo and Papa Smurf

Well as I said, I was going to write the stories and memories from my perspective so here goes. This story is from my Junior year of high school where I was messed up on drugs and taking Spanish class.

To say that the day wasn’t any different would be saying that my life was ordinarily a drugged up adventure, so that day was really adventure time like I’d never really done before. I went into my second period class that day really feeling the effects of the cocktail that I had decided to take that day. Walking in, everything seemed the same, as we started going over the homework assignment in Spanish and having conversations about what had happened the day before. That’s when I noticed my brain becoming weird.

Looking around the classroom I started to see characters from my childhood sitting where my classmates had been only a few minutes before and not really understanding what was going on. It was weird having a Spanish conversation with Oracle from He-Man and looking at the other side of the room and seeing Lion-O and Snarf from the Thundercats. What made things even harder for me was when I turned to look where my teacher had been, only to see Papa Smurf trying to teach me how to change the verbs to make them how they are sposd to be.

I couldn’t stop laughing and noticed it was becoming a distraction and that is when Papa Smurf decided to tell me to go to the hall since I wasn’t taking the day seriously. I thought that was the end of it until I saw Michelangelo of the teenage mutant ninja turtles come out of the bathroom and try to talk to me like this was completely normal. I don’t remember how much longer this lasted but the bell suddenly rang and everything seemed to be back in order.